Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare
by Wil1969
Summary: Merlin failed when he tried to heal Arthur in the Valley of the Kings, he is worried he'll never learn a healing spell that might save the prince's life one day. This is a Season 3 story...
1. Chapter 1

_**Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare**_

 _Summary:_ _Merlin failed when he tried to heal Arthur in the Valley of the Kings, he is worried he'll never learn a healing spell that might save the prince's life one day. This is a Season 3 story..._

* * *

 _Chapter 1_

Merlin wasn't sure how long he'd ran. He had taken one flight of stairs after another. His legs shook and he panted, letting out a desperate sob when the last flight of stairs ended in a dark corridor with a dead end. This couldn't be, he had to get away. Escape from grabbing hands, and those painful loud voices, the screams in his head. Why wasn't there a way out of here?

He studied the wall in front of him in haste. There was something odd about it, as if there were ripples of water making the stones look like liquid. It wasn't possible, but very clear. The urge to touch it was overpowering and Merlin reached out, fingers stretched to meet the need to feel what could not be.

It felt cold but warm and secure at the same time. He would give anything to find a safe place to hide, and maybe this wall was the answer? Without further hesitation he placed one hand against it. When it opened to his touch, he exhaled in relief. No ordinary person would be able to follow him through a wall, he was certain of it. Gazing back at the dark corridor behind, he knew they were close, even though he couldn't hear them yet.

He held his breath and stepped through the ever expanding opening, created by magic unknown. Maybe it was a force deep inside, opening up just for him at the right time? A time of need? He didn't know, and didn't care. It was a way of escape, high in the south tower of the castle.

Merlin had always avoided the towers of Camelot, as if an unknown entity was guarding it and it always made him feel uncomfortable. Ghost stories, whispered in corridors amongst the servants, ensured him that it had been the right place to hide. No one would dare to follow him all the way up here. For now. He hoped.

His gaze drifted around a circular room with two small windows, letting in the pale light from a rainy day. The room was big enough to hide a dragon. He'd hoped for something smaller, not an open space without a way out. He had to get out of this room, as soon as possible. The beamed ceiling vibrated, as if it wanted to come down on him and bury him alive. An ancient ladder to his left was the way to get further up, but was it steady enough? No time to think about it, he had to hide.

He couldn't remember ever climbing a ladder this fast. Almost slipping two times, he reached the top of a row of planks, held up by some intricate construction against the outer stone wall. Merlin briefly wondered why it was build, but there was no time to stop and think when the voices penetrated his senses once more. No!

Grabbing an musty old blanket, perhaps left by the men who worked here, Merlin crawled into a tight ball under its cover, arms around his pulled up knees, his breath coming in short gasps. If they would find him, they would burn him alive, even though he couldn't remember who they were at the moment. It meant he had to depend on himself, which created the most lonely feeling he'd ever known. A voice from deep inside reminded him it was all of his own doing, and hiding was futile.

He chose to ignore it...

* * *

 _Earlier that morning..._

"I don't get it, Gaius."

"What's that?"

Merlin had waited for the other man to finish his breakfast, but there was an urgent matter on his mind, and it couldn't wait any longer. "I tried to heal Arthur when he was shot by an arrow, and we ended up in the Valley of the Fallen Kings. I failed."

"Maybe you weren't supposed to heal him?" Gaius gazed at him from under bushy brows. "If you had been able to do so, Taliesin wouldn't have appeared."

"And I wouldn't have been lead to the Crystal Cave, and Morgana never would have found out about Uther being her father, and..."

"Merlin."

"Sorry, it's just..." He bit his lip, "I should be able to heal someone, but all my healing spells have been useless this far. Arthur could have died in my arms. I felt so, so... Helpless."

"Healing spells take a lot of practice. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

"I'm just trying to understand."

Gaius lay a hand on his arm, sympathy visible in his eyes. "I know."

"If keeping Arthur safe is my destiny, I should be able to heal him if necessary."

"There are many healing spells, Merlin."

Gaius didn't look worried, concentrating on his porridge. Merlin knew that Gaius meant well, trying to ease his pupils mind on the subject. It didn't work, not at all. He knew the older man was right, there were many healing spells after all, but he'd already tried to learn the most basic ones, to no avail. It was frustrating and scared him ever since they returned from the Crystal Cave. Without Taliesin, Arthur would have been dead. It was a constant nagging in the back of Merlin's mind. If he wasn't able to learn these spells, he would fail his friend.

"Shouldn't you get to work?" Gaius inquired, while standing and ready to clear the table.

"Ah, yes." Merlin grabbed a piece of bread before it was whisked away. He knew he always pondered too much. If it weren't about his destiny to keep Arthur safe, it was about Morgana. Her powers were getting stronger, he felt it whenever they crossed paths. He vowed to keep an eye on her, and to take more time to study hard on his magic abilities, as soon as his chores for today were done. Morgana and Morgause would be no match for him... he hoped.

"And stay out of trouble." It sometimes felt as if Gaius could read his mind.

"You know me."

"I'm afraid I do."

* * *

The rest of the day had been tedious and dull. Merlin had washed Arthur's clothes, had sharpened his sword and cleaned out the stables. In the meantime he'd kept an eye on Morgana wherever possible. It was ridiculous, really. He couldn't keep an eye on her and her malicious intentions day and night, and it started to feel like an obsession. Gaius had already told him to calm down a dozen times or so, and if Gaius noticed, than you knew it was spiralling out of hand.

It was early evening when Merlin found himself outside Arthur's chambers, ready to remove the prince's left over dinner. Voices from inside prevented him from stepping inside without permission. One of them was Morgana's, her sweet laced words an act that made him shiver. He wondered how long she would be able to keep up appearances. One day she would show her true colours, he was certain of it. He would be a fool to ignore the signals.

"We hadn't dined together for a while, Arthur." Her voice reached him while Merlin lay his ear against the door. "I'm so glad we found time to enjoy each other's company."

"So am I, Morgana," Arthur answered. "I'm sorry you felt so neglected, I'll make up for it."

"You certainly will."

"Now, hold on."

Her laughter vibrated through the room. In days long gone, Merlin loved the sound of it and, she could always make him smile. These days it made him either sad or angry. "It's late, I better be going, Gwen will be waiting."

"Yes, of course."

Merlin backed away and retraced his steps until he was hidden behind a large pillar. He was just in time when the door opened and Morgana exited the room. He didn't want to face her, not today. When she passed he held his breath, wondering why she always had this smirk on her face. It wasn't as if her plans had any effect on the kingdom of late. Or did she know something he didn't? It was very irritating to be honest. She turned a corner and Merlin made his way to enter Arthur's room.

"Having a busy day, _Merlin_?" Arthur managed to swallow a smirk when he entered, but Merlin could see it in his eyes. It was one of those evenings where the prince would try and bait him into endless banter, but all Merlin wanted was to eat and study magic. "You look as if you're about to fall over and cry like a baby."

"Is that all you can come up with?" Merlin heard himself snap and cursed his big mouth the moment it flew out. He was hungry and tired, and not in the mood for pranks. Why couldn't Arthur leave it be for just one evening?

"Oh, aren't we grumpy today."

"You had a nice dinner, yes?"

"What's that got to do with being grumpy?"

"Well, if you're hungry as a horse, cleaning someone else's left over dinner isn't a very cheerful event, now, is it." He avoided to look at Arthur while he started to clean the table as fast as he could.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice sounded amused. "You're my servant, it's your job."

"You royals are so lazy."

"Merlin."

"Inattentive, neglectful, sloppy."

"I'm not sloppy."

Merlin picked up the leftover chicken bones from the table and waved them high into the air before dumping them into a basket. "You were saying?"

"The chicken was particularly good tonight." Arthur grinned, no doubt thinking back on that juicy piece of meat, making Merlin's stomach growl while he turned to leave. "Merlin, wait, I have something for you."

"More lame jokes or childish remarks?"

"Seriously."

"I was being serious."

Arthur ignored him, diving under the table. He pulled a basket of red juicy looking apples from under it. There was a sincere smile on his face when he handed them over to Merlin. "For you and Gaius."

"Wha... why?"

"Just take them, Merlin and go home, get something to eat, oh, and some sleep."

* * *

When Merlin closed the door behind him, the basket of apples under his arm, he couldn't help but smile. He'd always known of course, but this proved it once more. Arthur did care. Merlin loved apples and these were enough to have one each day for at least a week, both him and Gaius.

It felt as if the path to Gaius' chambers was longer today. Merlin wondered if being exhausted played tricks on the mind, because there was a new corridor every time he turned a corner. He yawned and took another bite out of one very juicy looking apple. He should've resisted, but his stomach had told him there was nothing wrong with eating one apple, or two. There was no way he would be able to study any healing spells tonight without at least some food in his stomach, even though he knew he would fall asleep the moment he opened his magic book.

Turning another corner he stopped, frowning. Hadn't he been here already? He had to consider it for a moment, as his mind seemed to be acting sluggish. In fact, he couldn't remember what he was doing and where he was heading towards. He leaned against the wall, his whole body feeling numb all of a sudden. The basket fell from his arms to the floor where the apples rolled in all directions. They were bouncing and spinning in a curious way, or was that his own body? Apples, there was something wrong with the apples. It was his last thought when coldness surrounded him and he was greeted by cobblestones...

"Merlin, what's wrong?" Gaius' voice came from far away, and it sounded strange to Merlin's ears, as if Gaius was under water and he was under water as well. The idea made him gasp for air, his arms swaying, trying to get a firm hold on something, anything. He felt nauseated and cold, a firm hand holding him under, he had to...

"Wake up, Merlin." Another voice exclaimed from nearby. Was it Arthur? It had to be Arthur. But what was he doing here, and was his friend trying to drown him? No, that couldn't be, he would never harm him in any way. This had to be a dream. Didn't Arthur just ask him to wake up?

It took Merlin enormous effort to open his eyes. Two blurry figures, getting clearer with every breath he took, were gazing down on him. Thank the heavens, he wasn't drowning. But where was he? Before he could raise the question, he recognised Gaius in the soft moving lights of some candles nearby, a worried expression lining the other man's features.

"Arthur found you in a far south corridor, Merlin, what happened?"

"Gaius?"

"Yes."

"Where am I?"

"It's late Merlin, you're in bed."

"But I was..."

"On your way home with a basket full of apples." Arthur finished the sentence, a sign of confusion visible in his eyes. "What were you doing so far from your chambers? You are lucky that Leon found you on the evening patrol of the citadel, or... Did you stumble, fall and hit your head?"

"I..." Merlin touched the side of his head, feeling as confused as Arthur looked. "No, I don't think so."

"You can't remember?" Gaius asked, sitting down on the bed, taking his hand.

"The apples..." Merlin heard himself mumble, even though he wasn't sure what he wanted to say. Of course he was relieved to be in bed, taken care of by Gaius, but there was something wrong, very wrong. When he tried to concentrate, all he felt was a headache.

"Don't worry about it, Merlin," Gaius patted the back of his hand, standing up. "Try and get some sleep."

"Sleep?"

Arthur raised his brows. "Yes, you know, close your eyes and drift towards places unknown?"

Merlin gazed at him, and he was ready for a reply when Arthur's eyes started to burn red. It was only for a moment, but he'd seen it and he froze, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. What was going on?

"I'll be nearby if you need me, Merlin." Gaius said, interrupting his thoughts as he gestured at Arthur to follow him. "Maybe it's exhaustion, sire..." Merlin heard him whisper when he and Arthur left the room.

"I don't work him that hard, Gaius." Arthur's indignant answer reached him.

* * *

When the stillness of the room overtook his inner turmoil, Merlin wondered if Gaius was right. Was he exhausted? How else was it possible to see things that weren't there? Arthur sounded all right, acted like his normal self. The red eyes must have been a trick of the candle light, there was no other explanation. He closed his eyes. He would feel much better in the morning, he was sure of it.

Merlin had no idea how long he'd drifted into slumber when there was a loud bump, near the door. He immediately got up on his elbows, all of his senses telling him someone was there. He was ready to tell, whoever it was, there was no use in surprising him, he'd already noticed. Sliding out bed he opened the door as fast as he could, and... the narrow corridor leading to the larger chamber was empty.

But he'd felt it, and his abilities had never let him down before. Maybe the person he'd heard was hiding somewhere in Gaius' chambers? Maybe Arthur was still there, pulling pranks on him? No, he wouldn't do that in the middle of the night. Arthur might be a prat, but he was a kind one.

Thank the heavens, wearing no shoes made it possible to slip into the corridor without making a sound. He held his breath and crouched down low against the wall, waiting for something, someone to appear. Realising he was acting rather silly, he wondered if he should walk over to Gaius, to check if he was all right.

Harsh voices reached him, speaking, or rather barking in a language he didn't understand. His heart skipped a beat. Who dared to infiltrate Camelot, their chambers, in the middle of the night? Gaius might be in serious danger and he had to act. But what if Arthur was still there, so he couldn't use magic to defend them all? Would it be wise to risk exposure?

Before Merlin could decide, a towering figure stepped into his hiding place. On instinct he fell backwards, trying to regain his balance. The dark figure yelled something, way too loud, and before Merlin could dive back inside his bedroom, another figure joined the first one. Out of nowhere, a cacophony of screams pierced his head. It sounded like a million voices of people being killed, and he knew, if he didn't get out of here, he would join them. These figures would burn him alive.

They were horrifying, and towering over him, their faces a mixture of fire and melted flesh. One of them had his hand extended and Merlin knew they wanted to grab him. He had no idea who they were, but he knew one thing for certain, he needed to get away. There was no time to think things through.

"Merlin!" One of their voices echoed through him, harsh and cold.

He pushed them aside with all the strength he could muster, dove past them and bolted out of the corridor, through the large messy chamber ahead and out of the door. He didn't look back...

* * *

Arthur hurried back into Gaius' chambers. Merlin's blue shirt had slipped right through his hands as he tried to stop him from running. He'd wondered for a moment if he should pursuit him straight away, but he wasn't sure if it was the right course of action without scaring Merlin even more than he already was. Gaius stood there, looking lost. The shock in his eyes plainly visible. He knew he wore the same worried expression. What the hell just happened to Merlin?

After Leon had found him, they'd brought him to his bed, and he'd looked all right. Gaius thought Merlin was exhausted, but Arthur knew for certain no one would panic like that without another reason. Merlin's eyes, gaping up at them as if they were an enemy, had made a lasting impression. One he wanted to forget. No, there had to be something more to this, and it scared Arthur more than he was willing to admit. He hoped Gaius would come up with an answer.

"What's wrong with him, Gaius?" He had to pretend not to be upset, but the unfolding events of the evening spooked him. When Leon had called for his help and he'd found Merlin sprawled on the floor, unconscious, he felt helpless, and this... It was almost as if Merlin was a different person, and he was on the run to God knows where. They had to find him before the idiot would hurt himself. He let out a slow breath of air, finding his 'prince worthy' composure.

Gaius looked as upset as he felt. "I have no idea, sire. It's unlike Merlin to run away from friends."

"Really?" He knew it wasn't fair to Gaius the moment it left his mouth. "Oh, sorry Gaius."

"It's all right, Arthur." The older man grabbed a chair and sank onto it. "It almost looks like Merlin is enchanted. The way he acted, I think it's caused by magic."

"But how?"

"I'm as lost as you are," Gaius rubbed his face with both hands and, when he looked back at Arthur, there was uncertainty in his eyes. "He was fine when he left for work this morning."

"I didn't notice anything either," Arthur mused, going over the day in his mind. "He was tired when he left, I gave him some apples for the both of you, but that was it."

They could talk about it all night, but Arthur needed to formulate a plan of action. Merlin couldn't have gone far, and maybe people has seen him run. There were always guards on patrol, and it was possible they'd seen him. He hoped his friend would still be in the citadel. If he ran into the Darkling Wood... He didn't want to think about it. "I'm going to get Leon, we need to find him before he hurts himself."

"I will come with you." To Arthur's surprise, Gaius was up from his chair in no time

"Gaius, I..."

"I will come with you." The steady gaze of the old man made Arthur realise he wasn't going to persuade him to stay behind. "And Arthur? We can't tell Uther."

He was right, of course he was. If his father found out there was a raging servant on the loose in his beloved castle, he would send in an army to catch a fly. No, this was a situation he had to deal with himself. There was something wrong with Merlin, with his friend. He would get to the bottom of it, but they had to be subtle about it. Find him, bring him back, and Gaius might perhaps find a cure for what was ailing him. The other man was trying to stay calm, but he could see panic in his eyes.

"We'll bring him back, Gaius."

"Yes, sire."

* * *

Morgana couldn't hide a smile, and a bright one at that. Everything was going according to plan, and no one suspected she had anything to do with it. She had been spying on both Merlin and Arthur all night, and Merlin was on the run. Arthur was not panicking yet, but Morgana knew he cared a lot about his servant. He wouldn't want him to be harmed. Her smile widened if that was even possible. She had no problem with Merlin, or Arthur, being harmed, at all.

"Sister." Morgause appeared out of nowhere. She was good at that, knowing her way through the maze that were Camelot's vaults, cellars and dungeons. Or their guards were just a stupid bunch of fools who had no idea what they were doing. The idea made Morgana snigger out loud. They trusted her, all of them, and they would listen to her as soon as she was Queen of Camelot. It was her rightful place after all, now that she knew that Uther was her father. "Is our plan working so far?"

Morgana knew this part of the castle was safe to talk, it had been her secret hide out place when she had been a teen, trying to avoid Uther's outbursts and Arthur's blunt remarks. The memories hunted her, but Morgause brought light to the everlasting darkness of this cellar. "Oh yes. We might finally get rid of that meddlesome Merlin. Always sticking his nose into business that doesn't concern him, always watching me. He just ran from the physicians chambers, Arthur couldn't stop him. I hope he jumps off the highest Camelot tower."

"Do you hate him this much?"

"He poisoned me, I say we're even." Another memory that made Morgana shiver. She'd thought Merlin was her friend, but she'd been wrong, so wrong. Pushing it away she focused on the silhouette of Morgause next to her, an enigma, as ever. "How did you enchant those apples?"

"It's an ancient spell, it was used by priests of the old religion to ensure their adversaries would go insane." Morgause answered with a small amount of regret in her voice, or was that Morgana's imagination? "They would get hallucinations, and eventually they kill themselves."

"But anyone could have eaten those apples."

"The spell was targeted on Merlin," Morgause explained. "But I wonder why you didn't want Arthur to be the target."

"Arthur will break down if Merlin's dies. This servant is special to him, so we would kill two birds with one stone. Three perhaps, because if Arthur breaks down, so will Uther."

"You gave this some thought then? "

"I did," Morgana answered. "But is there any way to break the enchantment?"

"Only a mighty sorcerer would be able to conjure such magic." Morgause ensured her.

"Good, I'm pleased." Morgana hugged her sister. "I'll better go and enjoy the search."

"I hope it will amuse you."

"Oh, it will, it certainly will..."

 _tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare**_

* * *

 _Chapter 2_

 _Back to Merlin, hiding..._

When the voices came closer, Merlin made himself as small as possible under the blanket, as if it would help to stay unnoticed. He had to concentrate, bring order to his muddled brain. There was something he should be doing, and the thought was growing stronger with every passing moment. While he concentrated, a clear voice made itself heard. Not the ones that were haunting him, but a calm familiar one that seemed to guide him to a warm and safe place. How he wanted to feel safe again. Reaching out to it with his whole being he could hear it, soft but clear.

"Merlin," It called out to him. "Use your magic, young warlock."

He had no choice but to obey that voice, and a tiny spark of warmth spread through his body, a spell coming to his lips out of nowhere... "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare." It lingered inside of him and he let out a content sigh. Those other voices should shut up, so he could focus on it once more. He didn't want the feeling to slip through his fingers.

The voices didn't obey and became louder. Merlin knew they had found him, and he grabbed hold of the blanket in a desperation. The feeling was so strong, he started to shake all over. Even his teeth started to chatter and he felt nauseated. They would hear it, would hear him. He had to get in control. "Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare." It left his lips once more, soft but firm. There was no place to go from here, but the spell gave him something to hold on to, even though he didn't know what it meant, yet.

The fire of a torch bathed him in light. It felt like it burned straight through him and his hideout. Straight through the blanket, and he winced while he froze. He knew it was futile because they had seen him already, a frightened pile of blanket.

"Here he is." It was Leon's voice, and Merlin actually recognised it, wondering why it sounded so familiar, and safe. Maybe it was a trick to catch him? "We found him."

Nononono, he didn't want to be found, not yet. The shock of the light made Merlin flinch. Why couldn't they leave him alone for another moment. A moment to rearrange his thoughts. He wasn't using his magic on them. He wasn't doing anyone any harm. He'd always been a loyal servant. Why were they after him in the first place? He couldn't remember.

A large hand reached for his blanket and grabbed at it. When it landed on Merlin's arm and pulled, he closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable. One part of him wanted to resist, but another one told him to be calm and let them help. Help, were they going to help? He wasn't sure when the blanket was pulled away and he was exposed to whoever found him. He didn't want to see them, and kept his eyes shut.

Hands pulled at him, held him. They were soft but firm. Caring almost, as they lay him down on his back on something soft. Merlin dared to open his eyes and his gaze caught little spots of light in the sky. No, he was indoors, those lights had to be on the ceiling. They looked amazing.

"Merlin?"

Arthur's head was waving above his, making him sick. All he wanted to see were those wonderful little lights. They gave him comfort. The voices around him, these people, it still scared him too much. He couldn't move, couldn't run. He just lay there, staring up and blinking. Why was he so cold, and Arthur... What was Arthur doing here?

"Merlin, can you hear me? Say something."

It was Gaius, worry lining his voice. It wasn't as if Merlin wanted him to be worried, but he couldn't bring himself to speak, just yet. It felt as if he'd fallen from the sky, and landed in save hands. Why had he run away? What was going on?

"Gaius?" A mere whisper left his dry lips.

"Merlin, my boy, what happened?"

A strong warm arm surrounded his shoulders, and he was pulled up into a tight hug. He could smell herbs and earth and... Gaius. He had to snap out of it and trust Gaius. Something had scared him, had invaded his thoughts, he needed to shake it off. The spell, wasn't there a spell?

"How is he?" It was Arthurs steady voice nearby.

"I can't say for certain." Gaius answered, not breaking the hug.

"Magic?"

"Yes, sire."

Merlin wanted to interrupt to let them know he was feeling much better. At least, more like himself. Had he been enchanted, or poisoned, or what? He tried to remember, but it resulted in nothing. If someone had used magic on him, it must have been powerful.

"But who would dare to use it here in Camelot?"

"I can't say." Gaius looked Merlin straight in the eye, as if he was searching for answers. Merlin couldn't give them, not at the moment. But he had to let Gaius know he was fine. Or was at least going to be. He nodded, hoping the other man would understand this non verbal message.

"What can I do?" Arthur asked.

Gaius winked back at Merlin before addressing Arthur. "We need to bring him to my chambers, I think I might know of certain herbs that help against this condition."

"Herbs?" Arthur raised his brows, "and you said it was magic?"

"We have to try and see what happens."

"I'm not taking any chances, I'll guard him myself."

Merlin wanted to object. There was no need to guard anyone. The idea of Arthur hovering nearby made him nervous. What if his magic came to the surface again? He knew for certain his magic had prevented him from going crazy, the memory of a spell lingering. But he wasn't out of harm's way yet. There was still something inside of him even though it was getting vague. If it wasn't scary, it would have been fascinating. Merlin willed himself to speak. "I'm fine, I just need rest."

"We've heard that before." Arthur replied.

"I really am."

"How can you be fleeing like a girl one moment, and be fine the next?"

Merlin knew he was gaping, lost for words. His eyes flitting between Arthur and Gaius, his brain searching for the right answer. Maybe Gaius would...

"Sire, if I may?" Gaius came to the rescue. "It could well be that this magic was created by a poison or potion of some sorts, and its left Merlin's body by now. Some of my herbs should do the trick."

Half of this made actual sense to Merlin, even though Gaius thought he was making it up. The part about it leaving his body was false, because he seemed to have had a say in that himself. But if the other part were true, he must have inhaled, eaten or had it in a drink somewhere. But where?

Arthur interrupted his thoughts. "Still, I will make sure you both return to your chambers."

"Of course."

* * *

The morning sun created a spectacle of light on the blankets when Merlin opened his eyes. He wasn't quite sure if he was in his own bed. Something important had happened to him last night, but he couldn't put his finger on it. It would come to him soon enough, but for now he enjoyed the warmth of the blanket and sunshine. He felt great, but wanted to stay in bed for a while longer. Before you knew, Gaius would wake him to go see Arthur. A groan escaped him thinking about work. Arthur would have to wait, he wasn't ready.

A slight movement of the light woke him up all together. Gaius must have opened the window earlier, for some needed fresh air, and a small bird flew in. It didn't watch where it was going, as if something was chasing it, and it crashed against the opposite wall, not far from the bed.

Merlin was out of bed in a heartbeat. His steady hands scooping up the injured bird. It was a robin, and it was still alive. He could feel it's little heart fluttering against the palms of his hands, but it wouldn't be long before the animal would die. He closed his eyes in distress as he sank back onto the bed. He couldn't let the little bird die, he loved robins, there had to be something he could do.

Then he felt it, from deep inside. The events of last night coming back to the surface. Nightmare like images, but also a spell, a healing spell. He remembered it, but he wasn't sure if these memories were correct. Still, what if he could use it to save the robin? He had to try...

"Ic þe þurhhæle þin licsare" It was barely a whisper, leaving his mouth with a soft breath of air that warmed the little robin. Merlin's magic surged through him, powerful yet with a gentle touch. He didn't dare to see if it worked, to afraid to find a dead bird.

A voice pulled him out of his concentration, but he kept his eyes closed. "Merlin?"

"Gaius?"

"There's a robin on the bed."

"Is it dead?"

"No, it's very much alive."

"Alive?" He dared to open his eyes. And there it was, the little bird. It was looking up at him in apparent adoration, wings fluttering, a soft chirping sound music to Merlin's ears. He did it, the healing spell worked. And he remembered, he'd healed the bird, but also himself. The sudden revelation made his heart pound, a burst of joy warming him inside. He did it.

Gaius was next to him then, pulling him in for a hug. "Are you all right, my boy?"

"Never better, Gaius." He hugged him back, the bird watching them curiously.

"Never scare me like that again, Merlin."

"I'm sorry, Gaius."

"What do you remember from last night?"

"Images, flashes of hallucinations, running, being terrified." Merlin swallowed, "but also a very important healing spell."

Gaius pulled back, observing the robin while it hopped around, not making any haste to leave. "It seems you not only healed this bird, you must also have healed yourself?"

"Yes, I must have."

"Amazing."

"And I believe you were right, Gaius."

"About what?"

"This magic was potion induced. I was trying to remember it before, but I know..." Merlin flinched when he thought about it. "Apples, Gaius, I think it were the apples that I ate on my way here last night." He wouldn't be able to trust anyone anymore when it came to their food. Not even Arthur or Gaius. Shivers ran down his back and the thought of an apple made him nauseated.

"Arthur gave them to you, right?" Gaius asked, "I remember him telling me about it."

"Yes, but where did Arthur get them from?"

Gaius was silent for a moment, before he jumped up. "Morgana?"

"Morgana." Merlin answered. It had been Morgana having dinner with Arthur. Maybe she'd brought the apples with her. This could well have been one of her plans to make sure Arthur would be unable to become king. "She wanted to enchant Arthur, but it was me who ended up with the apples."

"She wanted to make Arthur's death look like an accident perhaps?"

"I think so."

There was silence between them for a while. Like Merlin, Gaius seemed to be collecting his thoughts before he spoke. "Your magic saved you, Merlin."

"There was something else, a voice, I..." He hesitated for a moment, because he wasn't a sure if he'd heard it for real. He didn't want Gaius to think he was still enchanted. Come to think of it, the voice had been very familiar, taking him back to the past. His first days in Camelot. The voice had called out to him then, and must have guided him when he was lost this time. The voice of the Kilgharrah. How was this even possible? "I think the dragon helped me."

"The dragon?" Gaius raised one brow. "Are you certain?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm, It's not that strange, you are a dragonlord after all."

Merlin closed his eyes for a moment, reliving the memory. He had to see Kilgharrah and ask, even though he already knew the answer. Still, the dragon might give him some insight on how he knew Merlin needed help in the first place. Was their connection stronger than he thought? "I need to see him, Gaius."

"Yes, you should. With the enchantment holding you in a firm grip, the dragon must have helped you use this powerful spell." Gaius mused, and a smile appeared on his face all of a sudden. "See, you do have it in you. I always knew you would manage healing spells."

"I think I got lucky, with help and all."

Gaius stood up and lay a hand on his shoulder. "I don't think luck had anything to do with it. Just now you healed a bird, all by yourself. That counts for something."

"Maybe it does." Merlin watched the robin flutter and land on his arm. He smiled and all the bad memories melted into a feeling of joy. He'd managed a healing spell and his friends had found him in time. It made him wonder. "Before I forget, Gaius... How did you find me?"

"One of the guards had seen you run up the stairs to the southern tower."

"And you dared to follow?" Merlin asked, in awe of their determination to find him, "those towers are haunted."

"Arthur doesn't believe in ghosts." Gaius walked to the door. "Let's get you some breakfast. Oh, and Merlin? Dragons can wait until later."

"I wasn't going to."

"Yes, you will." Gaius knew him better than he knew himself.

"I'm starving."

"No apples."

"Very funny."

* * *

Arthur hesitated before he entered Gaius' chambers. Would Merlin be all right? It had been on his mind the remainder of the night, when Gaius insisted he get some sleep. How could he sleep not knowing if Merlin would be fine? The physician had given Merlin a mix of herbs when the servant had calmed down, assuring Arthur that he would sleep. Of course he trusted Gaius, but he had to see it with his own eyes. It was still early, but he couldn't stay in bed anyway.

Relief washed over him when he saw Gaius and Merlin sitting at the table, having breakfast. His servant looked a bit pale, he always did, but his eyes were clear when he looked up at him with an apologetic smile. Yes, Arthur thought, this was the Merlin he knew. A sigh escaped him without anyone hearing it. There was no need for such emotion. Gaius had been right.

"Merlin, you're well."

"Arthur, yes... I feel fine."

When he came to a standstill at the table, his eye fell on the porridge and old bread and cheese they were eating. Arthur knew he wouldn't even last one round of sword fighting against the knights on a meal like that. No wonder Merlin had been happy with a basket of apples. He shook his head and wondered if any of Gaius' food had made Merlin behave like a mad man. "That's good to hear. Any idea what caused, you know... It?"

"The apples you gave Merlin seemed to have been poisoned, sire." Gaius answered.

"The apples?" He felt baffled and sick, "are you certain of this, Gaius?"

"Very certain," Gaius answered. "May I inquire who brought them to you?"

"Morgana did." Arthur swallowed, hard. No way would Morgana want to harm any of them, so she must have gotten them from someone. Someone who wanted to harm her, or himself. His food would be tested, but because this came from Morgana...

"Are you all right, Arthur?" Merlin asked.

"Morgana must have gotten them from someone, I must find out from who." Arthur answered as he turned around to leave. This called for immediate action. It should never happen again, he was going to make certain of that. "Oh, and Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"There's a bird on your shoulder."

"Ah, yes. It's a robin."

"You seem well enough to work today." Arthur continued, not impressed, "but I don't want to see that bird in my chambers."

Merlin grinned widely, something Arthur had missed very much, although he wouldn't admit it. "Of course, my Lord."

"As long as we're clear on that." He moved towards the door, his hand resting on the doorknob, when he turned around. He knew he couldn't just leave without at least some comforting words for his friend. "Merlin?"

"Arthur?"

"I'm glad you're well." There was a moment of silence, where Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin had even heard him. When he felt the other man's eyes on him, he couldn't help but feel grateful for it. Not that he would tell his servant about any of those feelings. This show of emotion was enough for one day, he had urgent matters to attend to.

"You were worried about me?" Merlin asked.

"Don't be ridiculous." He stepped outside, the grin on his face disappearing when he thought about those apples. He was going to confront Morgana about it, as soon as possible. Maybe the person who sold her the fruit was still around, and someone would have to pay. Arthur closed the door and started to pace towards his chambers.

* * *

Morgana didn't understand, and felt worried. Merlin appeared to be save and back to his normal self. How was this even possible? Morgause had ensured her there was no cure, and Gaius didn't possess enough skills to heal him. Did they find another way? Gaius knew a lot of people, amongst them must have been a mighty sorcerer, no doubt. She couldn't explain it otherwise.

Morgana regained her composure before knocking on Arthur's door. He had sent for her, and she knew he would ask her about this. About the apples. Of course the fool would believe everything she told him. It wasn't very hard to lie to her beloved brother. He was as gullible as Uther.

"Enter."

Arthur rolled an apple from one hand to the other on the rough surface of the table when she walked in. There was a grim expression on his face, and it made her feel less worried. This man was as clay in her hands, to be formed to what she wanted him to be.

"Are you all right, Arthur?" She laced the sentence with worry and sweetness, and knew he would fall for it.

"These apples," He grabbed the apple and waved it in front of her. "Where did you get them from, Morgana?"

"They are poisoned?"

"Yes, and Merlin almost died, so, please..."

So, he wanted to get to the bottom of this right away? No problem. She would play along and fake to be very distressed. "Oh, it's terrible Arthur, I'm as shocked as you are. I bought them from one of those travelling merchants from the lower city market."

"A merchant who intended to hurt or kill you, Morgana," Arthur said. "Or me."

"Poor, Merlin, will he be all right?"

"Yes, he will be fine."

"I'm glad." How much luck could one idiot servant have in his life? Morgana had hoped on breaking Arthur into a million pieces with Merlin dead. It would have been so much easier. Her brother would never have forgiven himself. She knew him too well. But she failed, this time. "You need to find this merchant, bring him to justice."

Arthur threw the offended apple against a wall all of a sudden, surprising her. The pieces were flying everywhere. "Oh, believe me, Morgana, I will. Although the man might be long gone."

She pushed a tear or two to the surface and grabbed his arm. "I know you will do all you can."

* * *

The full moon bathed the clearing in blue colours. The trees, the grass, they all moved in unison to the soft breeze that also touched Merlin's face. He felt at ease in the forest, as if all the worries of the day were washed away. Gazing at the sky he noticed the familiar silhouette of the dragon and he brazed himself for its landing.

"It is good to see you, young warlock." Kilgharrah stepped forward and bowed.

"It was you, wasn't it?" The question had been on his mind all day, so he might as well come to the point of this summoning. He had to know.

"What are you referring to?"

"Don't try to hide the truth from me"

"I never do."

Merlin saw the twinkle in Kilgharrah's eyes. The dragon still loved to talk in riddles to unnerve him, push him off balance for some obscure reason. Even though he was a dragonlord, some things would never change. The best course of action was always the; 'confront him straight away' one. "You talked to me, you saved me."

"I had nothing to do with saving you, young Warlock. The spell was of your own doing."

"You guided me."

"I will never abandon you, Merlin."

"I know..." The dragon had saved him once before, and Merlin was grateful, but still, it wasn't easy to trust the giant creature. Too many bad things had happened, and gaining trust took time. "But, how did you know I was in trouble?"

"I felt your distress."

"We have a connection?"

"Yes."

"But I never feel your emotions."

"I am old, Merlin. It takes a long time to learn and manage magical connections." It almost looked like the dragon had a smirk on his snout, boasting about his abilities.

"Thank you for helping me."

"You learned an important healing spell," Kilgharrah opened its wings, ready to leave. "You will not fail your destiny because of the witch."

"She might try again."

The dragon sniggered at that, a mixture between amusement and anger, the burst of air coming out of its mouth almost knocking Merlin over. "She is no match for you. Beware of her hatred though, young warlock."

"I will be ready."

Kilgharrah seemed to consider this for a moment, squinting his eyes, making him feel uncomfortable. "So you will." Then the dragon lifted itself up into the air. "Until next time."

"Yes, next time..."

When the giant magical creature disappeared over the horizon, Merlin felt a little lost. He knew he had learned important lessons in the last days. About Morgana, about his connection to Kilgharrah, and how to use a healing spell. There was no need to feel lost or alone. He had to put his trust in the future, as it was a bright one. It had to be.

He turned to go home when the little robin landed on his shoulder, it must have followed him here. It was chirping in his ear, and Merlin knew,

Whatever happened, he was never alone...

 _The End_


End file.
